So. I was day dreaming visiting Shirley. My old street. Wesley's house. Meeting up with her mom for a cup of tea.
What have I done with myself?
Going to my old house. Saying to the people who live there now, "Hi. I used to live here. Your pool is where we buried my great grandmother." They would probably say something like, "Shit. I'm sorry." And I would probably say something like, "It's no biggie. Life keeps changing and moving.. I don't see why we expect everything to freeze around our corpses when we are dead."
Then it dawned on me, once again.
I am really exciting. My life has been really exciting. Not in the minute to minute aspect, I mean. Tonight was spent rapping (quite horribly) and dancing with my bf on my bed, to A Tribe Called Quest and The Beastie Boys. Then more Buffy.
Then I was thinking about my dead end job for the past year. Which is really only dead end because I don't enjoy it. And I did consider about making it a career for half a second. I thought about making hair a career. For longer. I enjoyed it.. but not enough. I was a smoker when I did hair. The first month and a half I cried every night after work from doing hair. Because it was intense stress. The smoking helped. I considered hair because it made sense on a logical viewpoint.
But my heart. My health. Not so sensible when you throw those in.
Now massage.
I will heal and center and be centered. And my life will revolve around health.
Not how someone looks.
Because I find that hardly matters.
I mean.. it's nice. But isn't it SO much more important the way someone carries themselves? Or if a person is considerate? Or has a contagious laugh?
To me it is.
That is what I want to spend my life doing.
Helping people find their light.
And it wasn't a dead end job. It got me back on my feet. (With tons of help from my family) I am not (and have never been) in debt. I may not know exactly what's going on, but.. another epiphany.
As I grow older I am appreciating how hard it is to be resourceful. So this isn't working for you, what are you going to do? What skills do I have that I can play upon? Think outside the box and reach outside the norm. It should be MANDATORY for kids to get these skills in school.. and yet. :/
So? I will sell sex toys at sex toy parties until I find a job, (and work the Census, kitchen hair cuts, sing at bars). Or if it is successful, I will continue that, volunteer with all of my free time and go to massage school. Why the eff not.
Life is good. My mother is a genius. I will live on.
