Saturday, January 30, 2010

I Want To Be Don Juan (Some last year scribbles)

It is very hard to walk anywhere and not communicate with someone.

There was a bird dancing in front of me.
This tiny delicate soft brown bird.
He would look back occasionally to see my labored trudge through the sand.
Eventually I got too close.
He chirped once and flew low over the rolling waves.
I worried for him.

Sometimes I am very aware hoe foreign the ocean is.


It's also hard not to have a destination.

I trekked up my dune and found myself looking over a valley of green.
Which reminds me strongly of A Land Before Time.
So feeling like a dinosaur I watch the sand roll beneath my feet.
I suddenly look up- I feel very small and vulnerable.
The stalks are my height.
Animals are rustling the leaves... grass...
As I progress- I decide to make myself physically smaller to own what I was feeling.
I see a tiny patch of shade and take advantage.
For a while I play in the sand.
The smell brings back memories of childhood.
I envision pirates and admire the straw colored grasshoppers.

Walking back I notice that the crab shells I'm finding are almost always a pair.
I wonder at the intelligence of the creatures I can't see.
Then I notice I'm stepping on breathing holes and I hurry out of the way.
Being unintrusive takes up a lot of my energy.
When I was five I wanted to grow up to be a mermaid.
My kindergarten teacher was a little worried.
Now I can't even go into the ocean without feeling like an intruder.
Up on the shore I start picking up
Admiring
The smoothness of the stones
The air feels so clean
I find a worry stone!
When I was little my parents were into alternative culture and I was into rocks.
They would take me to the rock and crystal store where there were bowls of pet rocks
Rocks separated by name
Rocks with totem animals engraved in them...
Worry stones are stones that have a dip in them where thumbs fit
You rub them and they absorb your negative energy

I heard this man made buzzing sound.
Annoyed I look up.
To my delight it was two toy planes and I peaked around the corner to the parking lot
I saw these two old men in suspenders.
I looked down smiling and found another worry stone.
Hurrying to the car I saw another man with a kite
And thought about how fun people are. Maybe I should buy my sister a kite.

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