imagine the skin on your hands so taught they start to expand.. past you bones.. and it starts to shrivel and crack and you start getting tiny little cuts all over.. but all day your hands continue to be emerged in water.. only making your hands worse and worse.
the medicine you finally get because you cracked down to your mother, whom you were avoiding because of the shame of needing help.. you wanted to rough it out. do it on your own. but she says, go get the hydro cortizone. dont. be. silly.
tears of shame when you go to pick it up.
then you medicate your hands and get a smooth relief. your hands feel living again. nourished. replenished. slight bitter pain comes and subsides.
people have been offering me food at work because they know by seeing the rice and edimame i bring in that i dont have much else. i take it.. hungry for anything of substance. vegetables. fruit.
feeling desperate. but not alone.
i offer what i have.
noone wants my rice. my noodles. edimame. meatballs.
but they take my massages. my hugs. my love.
if my job doesnt work out im out, because these people are who i like in my life right now.
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