Scrawls in my notebook that got wet 08/12/09

Every time I come back I feel people become less and less sincere.
As becoming a stranger sets in an inevitable cloud of unconscious awkwardness Obligation to say hello instead of want.

"You are the artist of your life"

Words I wouldn't mind tattooed on my body:
Respect ?
Pride tramp stamp :P
Empathy arm
Passion behind my ear
Kindness arm
Patience arm
Love behind my other ear

"Most Americans occupy the middle ground: we want it all. We want to cheer on science's strides and humble ourselves on the Sabbath"
David Van Biema
Nov 13, 2006
Time
Bottom pg 54

communication in the future
"less inbreeding"
less culture?
tradition?
communities?
pg 38 Seed

"US scientists were more likely to be religious than their international colleagues, as well as much more likely to describe themselves as spiritual."
pg 66

"Science has eroded the need for religion." True or False.. scientist poll says 35% think true

With the tools school will help me achieve I believe I will be in a much better position to reach the potential that is so painfully apparent to myself and those around me. It is frustrating feeling like a loser when at the same time I know I have so much to offer the world. I'm mediocre in the jobs I have now because it's not my passion. I don't have to be mediocre.It's a trapped feeling- like running out of air and I don't know how to save myself because every angle looks so futile as if I'm walking into a million traps every direction I step into. I'm tired of walking in circles. I'm tired of this drowning feeling. I'm tired of not progressing.

I'm overcome at how good people can be toward each other. And how much gratitude I feel each day.
Because someone covered my bike seat with plastic because it rained. Or the man who just let me onto the train with his pass. Or my [then] bf who only just wants to make me as happy as I make him.
My grandmother taking me in her arms.
<3> For Mr. David Cantor

Winding around the twisting corners deep within the belly of the earth
My wish
Carry me away
Indecision
Going my way straight and pure as I
Can muster
Doing right by my own
My brain is mush
Right down to the bone
Leaving beyond myself to their own control
Someday things will all -------------

Dancing in a drunken state
Sharing secret glances
Humming low enough to be the train
Thoughts keep going in a lucid state
Do I dare?
I've played this game before.
I might.
Like the zipper of your leather jacket
I remember how we came undone
Holding you in my arms so unsure
How to make it right
You killed me with that one
On that night I knew you loved me
And that it would never be
Even though it was right
Your wounds were so deep
And I feel that happening
With everyone I meet
It didn't start with you
It didn't end with you
But you are the one that made sense