Day 2 of My so-called 'juice' diet

16 oz of water with 1/4 lemon in it
8 oz of green tea with 3 tsp of honey in it

--passed time---

Juice:
Same as last night except 2 cups of kale and 1/2 inch ginger
less ginger zing and less sweet
Smoothie: 1/2 of last nights left overs

--passed time---

1 nuked potato (yukon gold=smallish) with a bit of cheddar cheese melted on top
10 almonds
Shot of milk and whey protein powder

--passed time----

Juice:
2 cups kale
1" by 1" ginger maybe a bit bigger
1 gala apple
Result: spicy and nice
16 oz of water with 1/4 lemon in it

Dinner:
Juice shared with David:

1 Lemon
1 Lime
2 Pears
2 Green Apples
2 Carrots
1 Piece Ginger (thumb sized)
2 cups Purple Cabbage

Yukon gold potato with a little cheese
8 ounces of water
4 ounces of water with cayenne maple syrup lemonade cleanse in it.
The other 1/2 of last night's smoothie

Juicing/smoothie diet.. sort of. Day 1.

Due to watching my bestie's doggie for half the day, juicing did not commence until dins, but I figured I would write everything down anyhow.
AM: jumping jacks to wake me up 15
10 oz green tea and honey
1/2 cup of cereal
time passes- snacks
1/4 Green Goddess
2 Whole Foods pop tarts
1/2 a bag of veggie chips
an apple
an hour hike with dog
a burrito with beans and cheese
in this time, David and I shared a liter (aprox. 34 oz.) of water
home groceries
Dinner
Shared Juice:
1 cup Kale
3 small apples
2 carrots
1" ginger
result: delish, not full.
The other half of the Green Goddess we split earlier, we both consume.
result: half full
Shared Smoothie:
2% milk
a banana
(frozen) pineapple, mango, strawberries and blueberries
vanilla whey powder
result: tastes like ice cream, don't want too much
A few almonds. Awesome.

Time passes positive (Healing heart chakra one._)

Release- Let go
Weep- For it is yourself that is deserving
Weep- For it is yourself who is strong
Feel the vibrancy of Life around you
And WEEP For it is you who is a part of it
You hold so much joy
Let that come
Let that joy come out of your toes
and fingers
and head
and heart
Seep out of your lips
Ears
Eyes
Fingertips
You are Alive
You have passion
Compassion
Visions
Thoughts
and Ideas
But right now
Right now you Are.
Breathe.
You are the heart beat.
You are forgiveness.
You forgive others who may have wronged you.
You forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself.
You are safe.
You are warm.
You are loved.
Think of those you love.
Say a prayer for one that you love.
Hold that prayer.
Say a prayer for yourself.
Hold that prayer.

Time passes negative

Sounds of Echos
Dull my eyes
Trust not your senses
Or feel your own demise
Fall gracefully
Live cold
Blend




I stripped my soul bear
Leaving myself vulnerable
Terrified
Just kept coming
Like a torrent falls
Leaving bones
Branches
It's wake brings ruin
Tired
Rung
The fear
The shame
Deep roots
So apparent
So transparent
So pathetic
Wishing I were gone again
Alone in my mind
Lost in fiction
Stable in the world
With space between
Myself and Them

yes

i have very little patience for passive aggressive people. i do not want to know you if you are.
i have very little patience for people full of negativity. you are poisen. stay away from me.

it's pretty simple.

and for all those people who i do have. i love you and i am eternally grateful for our relationships.

my life is becoming more wonderful every day.

vitality vs mortality

i had been watching a few of those heart warming films for gay/bi/transgendered kids out there.
http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject#p/f/0/7IcVyvg2Qlo

I've been thinking about what I would say to kids who have mental disorders. People who have no fucking clue about what is wrong with them. People who feel extremely passionate and extremely sad sometimes. People who can't handle the amount of stress that "normal" people don't have a problem with.

I am so tired of life sometimes that all I can do is fantasize about no one loving me or caring. The freedom to think about ending it all. Rest.
There are times where I struggle so much inside myself that I shut off for hours, delving into my obsessive compulsive behaviors or just sobbing and rocking back and forth.

I do not hate myself. In fact.. I have never hated myself.
I've always loved myself and the world that I have inside my head.
I have always loved with my whole heart, and been loved. Honestly and openly.

After high school I didn't identify with most people any more for several personal reasons.

The people i did identify with were addicts and people who were living in their own worlds. Artists. Musicians. With dreams of leaving everything and hitchhiking wherever. Surviving with the elements. Things i could never dream of doing. These people were heroes to me.
This is what I thought I would be doing if I fit better in my body.
But I felt too big...
I couldn't do what I wanted to do in human form.
I wanted to be the wind. Or mountains. Or stars. Big balls of gas that just exist in brilliance. Non of this pretend "real life" human bull shit, which doesn't matter in the first place. In the long run.
My mother has helped me out so much with explaining to me that we are stardust. That there are certain people who don't fit- not because we are weak.. but because we are philosophers, artists.. people who think with all of their senses, not just our frontal lobes. It is not that we can not fit into the norm, we should refuse with all of our being to be placed in or outside of a box. We are the space that exists without the box. Another dimension.

What is the worth of this life?

I know that it is about the journey. So I fight. I fight really hard to always be changing for the better. I fight so that I don't get stuck in situations that make me sick. Sometimes for people that means therapy, medicine, changing jobs, diets, routines. Sometimes it means reaching out more, or withdrawing and taking care of yourself. It is hard with mental illness. Everyone has a different experience. Sometimes it doesn't even take mental illness to feel completely alone.

So I suppose if I were to talk to people who don't understand where they fit. What is going on in their brains. Those who struggle with things that most people don't understand...

I would say.. keep fighting. Keep changing. Keep dreaming.

Allow yourself room to do what you need to do. Keep moving. Keep that routine that lets you have peace.

Fight to stay on top of your shit.
Even when it's all over the place.

Change to see what you love about yourself come to light for other people and to yourself.

Don't ever feel stuck.
Dream of opportunities to get out of negative space.
Opportunities such as school, working with the elderly, working for yourself, making a band, adopting a pet, renewing relationships with family or making new family.
Remember we are animals. Social animals. If you don't like people, get a gerbil.

Always reach out. Always network. Laugh more. Cry as needed.

You are strong enough.
You are worth enough.
Life is worth whatever you want to make of it.
You have the power to make it amazing. For yourself and for others.

mirfday

Am I disappointed with myself? I am not where I thought I would be at 25. I guess I fight with that. But I think disappointed isn't the word. Who I am and what I have grown into is too tangible not to count as valid. I'll write more later. Going to the beach to look at sand castles. :P